Rodney (rcornelius) wrote,
Rodney
rcornelius

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When Did I Stop Loving You?

I look at him furiously. I can barely control my temper or contain my rage.

I scream at him "do you wanna know when I stopped loving you? I don't actually know. Maybe never, if you'd just believe it." I wanna tell him that even when there is a lot on his mind, that people are there who care for him. I want to tell him to stop feeling so used in his relationship, that sometimes one looks to hard to see the love that is right before them.

I want to tell him to hold his head up high. I want to tell him that he has a lot to be proud of. I want to tell him that I people love him and appreciate him, even when he doesn't feel it. I want to tell him to stop trying so hard to see the future and to just live in the present. That life throws out challenges and that it is how we deal with them that tells us we still have room to learn, room to grow, room to make mistakes. I want to tell him that it's alright to love enough for 2 people, but that you always have to have enough room to love enough for one.

But he won't listen. His emotions are too frayed at the edges. There has been too much damage. Somethings you can't ever recover from. Friends and lovers ebb and flow like waves. He fights for something without knowing whether it has any value.

So I do what I always do when I am confronted with him.

I tell him to remember to love himself and take it one day at a time, and let come what may. And then I walk away from the mirror.
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