Rodney (rcornelius) wrote,
Rodney
rcornelius

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"On the Flight to Brussels..." or "Cocoon 3: The Reunion"

So I am on the flight, typing this, even though I know that actually submit this until I land and reconnect, but it actually cool that I can begin to write this now, and then post it when I have a later opportunity to do so.

I get to the airport in plenty of time (for a change). And after a brief argument with the check-in agent (over something stupid), I get my boarding pass and then go to the gate. Except I am so early that there is no one there. So I decide to do what anyone does in a predicament like that. I hit the bar. I order a Absolut Vanilla Vodka and ginger ale. The drink is so strong it knocks me right off my ass (that and I have not drank anything since Thursday). I literally am stumbling onto the plane (thanks to the 3/4ths alcohol 1/4ths ginger ale drink). Where I sit down and relax only to find that the plane has come with "the crying baby" attached installed. I always wonder why the airline gods curse me, by putting crying babies literally in my lap. Luckily, I have Bose (c) Noise-Cancelling Headphone, which drown out both the baby and that important safety information....

So here I type now, after I nice meal in-flight (chicken and garlic...I better not talk to anyone...oh wait, I have Altoids strips...the day is saved!), I am now typing away and working on e-mail and scoping out the cuties on the plane (there aren't many...this flight must be in association with Mugly Airline. And now there is a gross old lady with her ass in my face. It's soooo gross....I'm gonna barf those 4 beers I had in the first 30 minutes of the flight. And now her stomach blocks my keypad. So round, so plump. Has Santa had a sex change. I am sur that she would be polite and kind, if only she could pull the slabs of wrinkly flesh from over her eyes to realise that her stomach -- which I suspect are her breasts plummeting towards her knees, are in my way....

Well, ignore that little tirade. She's gone now.... :-)

Anyway, that's enough for now. I am in a rare mood... apprehensive....

...oh wait...that woman might not be a woman baby...it might be a man-man. I feel like grabbing it's hair and shouting "why won't this wig come off?".

Eeeeeekkk.....the thing just smiled in my direction!!! Rodney is scared....Rodney tries to hide the overhead storage bin....this is unbearable...the smell of old washes over me...I want nothing more than an escape pod or a transporter.

Anyway, ok, I am leaving now. I realise just how little sense this is making, and perhaps this random stream of consciousness was better left in my own head...
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