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"You Are Wrong Because"

In the course of many exchanges of ideas with others, when I think that I am right, it obviously means that I think the other person is wrong. And when I think they are wrong, I often internally try and relate it back to the section called "You Are Wrong Because" in Scott Adam's "The Joy of Work: Dilbert's Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of Your Coworkers".

So I re-post that section here for your amusement and encourage you to think about these things after the next exchange of idea you have with someone else besides me! \o/

1. AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY

Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can train a potato to dance.
 

2. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT

Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes you fat.


3. I AM THE WORLD

Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music is not popular.


4. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN

Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they prefer the lifestyle.


5. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE

Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites.


6. GENERALIZING FROM SELF

Example: I'm a liar. Therefore, I don't believe what you're saying.


7. ARGUMENT BY BIZARRE DEFINITION

Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law.


8. TOTAL LOGICAL DISCONNECT

Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks.


9. JUDGING THINGS WITHOUT COMPARISON TO ALTERNATIVES

Example: I don't invest in U.S. Treasury Bills. There's too much risk.


10. ANYTHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO

Example: If you have the right tools, how hard could it be to generate nuclear fission at home?


11. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS

Example: I'm putting ALL of my money on the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big.


12. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK

Example: I know that bugee jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of great fun!


13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE

Example: Remember, "All things come to those who wait." So don't bother looking for a job.


14. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS

Example: A hundred dollars is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferari.


15. CIRCULAR REASONING

Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be smarter than you because I'm correct.


16. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF DEFECT

Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong.


17. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON

Example: Sure, the experts think you shouldn't ride a bicycle into the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.


18. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS

Example: Uncle Billy says pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me!


19. REACHING BIZARRE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION

Example: The car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns.


20. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION

Example: His six last wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven.


21. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT'S IMPORTANT

Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail!


22. UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COSTS

Example: We've spent millions developing a water-powered pogo stick. We can't stop investing now or it will all be wasted.


23. OVERAPPLICATION OF OCCAM'S RAZOR (WHICH SAYS THE SIMPLEST EXPLANATION IS USUALLY RIGHT)

Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes.


24. IGNORING ALL ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE

Example: I always get hives immediately after eating strawberries. But without a scientifically controlled experiment, it's not reliable data. So I continue to eat strawberries every day, since I can't tell if they cause hives.


25. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE CAUSES

Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were good singers.


26. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS

Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be better off without the sun.


27. BLINDING FLASHES OF THE OBVIOUS

Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty.


28. BLAMING THE TOOL

Example: I bought an encyclopedia but I'm still stupid. This encyclopedia must be defective.


29. HALLUCINATIONS OF REALITY

Example: I got my facts from a talking tree.


30. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSION

Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know he'll be lopping off your limbs!

 

31. FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND WHY RULES DON'T HAVE EXCEPTIONS

Example: It should be legal to shoplift, as long as you don't take enough to hurt the company's earnings.


32. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE

Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those Amish people.
 

(Posted without permission, but i'll argue fair use until my last dying breath)

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